Hello dear friends!  This is our 22nd show on Journeys To Motherhood!  Welcome!

You know that this show is one to encourage, uplift and hopefully inspire.  But there is a subject that we haven't touched deeply upon prior to this show, and it is weighing heavy on my heart.  This is not brought up to bring any of your down, nor to dwell on another dark side of infertility, but it IS something that effects many women.  And a recent encounter prompted me to talk about this today.

This recent encounter was with an old friend that I hadn't seen for a while.  I was very excited to bump into her, but  I quickly realized, much to my dismay, that she had a very forlorn look on her face.  I didn't even have to ask.  The look conveyed to me that SHE was now having fertility concerns, and the stress was right there on her face.  I hugged her, and she began to cry.

Her name is Sheila, and she is not only going through problems conceiving, but now her husband has jumped off the 'baby' ship.  He doesn't want to be tested; he doesn't want HER tested; he doesn't want to consider any assistance nor any other options.  And he's telling her "I will never adopt, so don't even go there."  He's also telling her that he's "just fine" without a baby. 

Hmmm....interesting.  Sounds quite familiar.  Too familiar.  As a matter of fact, she would be one of more than a dozen women I know of personally that would have to face this double battle, IF she decides to move forward with her infertility issues, no matter what. 
This is such a difficult place to be in.  When our husbands (or significant others) are not onboard, then a good bit of the energy we should be mustering up for our physical and emotional quest to our baby, has to be put into a new quest...one of making our husbands understand what this means to us. 

And another big jolt that some of us face:  we may not even have realized how much it meant to us to become a mommy...until being told we may not be able to conceive, nor carry a baby to term.  Wanting what you are unable to have can become a horrid reality in our lives...and yes...sometimes an obsession. 

There is layer upon layer upon layer of hurt and anguish when these various burdens come down upon you at the same time. 
Sheila is seeking counseling, but her husband doesn't know if he wants to do that. 

Out of the aforementioned 14 women that I know of personally, myself making 15, we ALL had to go through the 'husband' battle as well.  The amazing news: we now ALL have our babies, and guess what!?....ALL of our husbands are fantastic fathers!  ALL 15 of us are witnessing the joy in our husbands as daddies.  We would have NEVER gotten to live this dream if we wouldn't have fought the good fight in both of our battles.  It's just too bad that we had to go through SO much...from both angles.

Unless you've been there, it may be very difficult to know what I'm talking about...to even imagine what it's like when you are shooting up drugs that are sending your hormones into a whirlwind, trying to make your body do what it has decided it doesn't want to...while ALSO trying to convince your husband how wonderful he will be as a daddy, when HE'S decided he doesn't want to go through all the bother.

It really angers me when I now see these families, and how everything is so happy and joyous...witnessing how these men are loving fatherhood...yet I know what they put their women through, as I was one of their shoulders and ears to cry on, on more than one occasion, and in some instances, for more years than I care to count.  Do these men ever think about the hell they put their wives through, when they were already going through the womanly hell of their lives?  Have any of them ever sat down and said, "You know, honey, I realize how right you were in striving and fighting for our little family.  Fatherhood has brought a joy to me I would have never known, if you didn't push me.  I know I gave you a hard time.  I'm so sorry." ? 

For all of these friends, and myself, this would mean the world to us.  Just a few simple words to let us know they realize the level of hurt inflicted into what was already a wounded soul. 

Words are powerful.  What a few simple words can do is quite amazing.

I hope you are not one of these woman having to fight the double battle. But if you are, know you are not alone.  Stand strong, and know you have the right to be a mommy if that is what you truly desire.  And...if your significant other denies you...then maybe he isn't the man for you