Facing infertility issues is very taxing for both people in the relationship. Women often go through the stages of grieving each time the pregnancy test comes out negative and men will react differently than women. In fact, some men still believe that infertility is a “woman’s issue,” which is untrue.

My guest this week is Elizabeth Cessna, a private counselor who treats patients who are struggling with infertility. This struggle can often become all-consuming and sometimes an outside therapist can help you find ways to cope with your grief or an unsupportive spouse.

Elizabeth shares ways to keep your psyche and self-esteem intact during your infertility journey rather than trying to please others. She also shares tips for men who want to comfort their spouse but don’t know how to do so.

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I want to wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day, and a peace of mind, KNOWING that your baby will be with you soon.  Allow yourself whatever it is you need today…to get through the day the best that you can.  Be kind and gentle to yourself.  Surround yourself with love and beauty.  If some don’t understand, that’s ok.  All that’s important, is YOU today.  Love and serenity to you all.  You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

I was perusing through some literature that people had sent to me recently, and there were a few words that prompted me to write, as they are good reminders for us all…but especially for the women struggling with challenges regarding their fertility. 

These particular ones come from the lovely publication entitled Stepping Stones from Bethany Christian Services.  Referencing biblical scripture from Ephesians we are reminded that:  Time is but a fraction of eternity.  Miracles are what they are because they don’t happen every day.  Give your miracle some time.  Remember, God is able to do far more than we ask or can imagine.

And also, from the Psalms: We cannot predict how and when God will bless us with the miracle He has in mind for us.  To some, the miracle may come in the birth of a baby, to others in the adoption of a child, and to others in contentment as a family of two.  In the meantime, sit back in confidence and watch your life unfold.

Sometimes that’s easier said than done.  But if we do what we feel in our hearts we NEED to do, then give it up to God and the universe, we really need to try to feel contentment and joy in other areas of our lives along the way.  We don’t want to miss out on the unfolding of our lives.  I personally felt the absence of joy for many, many years… nothing made me happy, and though I KNEW I had much to be grateful for, I just couldn’t feel it.  In retrospect, I wish I had been more active in meditating on it (as I gave up praying for myself once year 7 had past).  And I wish back then I had been more able to live in the ‘now’.  I would have witnessed more of the unfolding of my life during that decade…as, of course, I will never get that time back.

Once again, it’s easier said than done.  But life goes by swiftly, and we miss out on a lot when we focus on what is missing.  I wish I would have known then, what I tell all of you now.  Just KNOW it will happen one way or another.  No one had ever told me that.  NO ONE.  I believe I would have felt a little more empowered, and a little more hopeful and able to live my life more graciously if someone personally would have told me that, because they had walked in similar shoes.

If YOU had walked in the shoes of infertility, and now have your baby, let the women YOU know personally (who are still battling with their bodies, hearts and souls because they are unable to conceive or carry a baby to term) understand the power of KNOWING.  When we decide that we will have what we desire, no matter what, we create a ‘knowing’.  And that ‘knowing’ can give them a certain peace while they wait.  And just maybe that will help.

On Mother’s Day at some churches, the ushers will hand out carnations to the mothers.  When a woman who longs to be a mother is surrounded by others wearing their carnations, and she does not have one, the pain of its non-presence can be excruciating.  That woman wears her suffering, rather than a carnation.  It would be my wish that any church that practices this ritual would ask ALL women to stand who are mothers, or DESIRE to be mothers, to celebrate them ALL, and to give EACH of them a carnation. 

Mother’s Day is one of the most difficult days of the year for those facing infertility issues.  And if ANYONE should be sensitive to that, it should be the church.  If you know women personally in your church who are reproductively challenged, mention this to your pastor.  Maybe he can incorporate ALL the ‘mommies’.  And if he is an adoptive father, as is my pastor, he will most likely be happy to do it.

Welcome, my friends, as we enter May and celebrate Mother’s Month! We are all sisters and whether you are a mommy, a mommy-to-be, or a mommy-in-waiting, I hope you all realize how special and unique you are. I am very lucky to have you all in my life!

My guest this week is Holly, who works at A Labor of Love Adoptions and is also an adoptee. She shares the story of how she found her birth mother and a new extended family but also shares how nervous she was at first and what she hopes will happen in the future.

So rarely do we hear the happy stories of adoption! Not every adoption story is like a television movie with sad endings. Holly’s story is one of hope and encouragement, especially for those of you who are considering adopting but are fearful of the process.

During Mother’s Month, I hope you find it in yourself to remember the birth moms and surrogates who gave the ultimate gift to you…your child. Heart Mark Designs offers cards and other gifts specifically to remember birth mothers. Even a simple gift from you will be a treasured keepsake for a birth mother.

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The month of April was very rough for me.  Actually, it all began at the end of March.  A series of family illnesses, beginning with my baby girl, including everyone in between, and ending with a serious heart situation for my father, had given me and my health a run for our money.  It is quite difficult to stay calm and stressfree when life throws us for some horrid loops.  I hadn’t felt this out of control…with life…with emotions…since I was in the midst of MY infertility battle.  There were days last month that felt like emotional replays of nightmarish days throughout my long ordeal.  And I was reminded that, no matter how bad it gets, it is important to step back and give it up to God and the universe.  Matters only become worse when trying to take on the weight of the world.  Our backs are only so strong.  Pray our hardest and our best, then give it up, and trust.  What will be will be.  We can only control so much.  We CAN control becoming mothers by deciding NOT to be denied.  But we MAY not be able to control the way in which our baby finally comes to us.  In the end, we realize that the ‘way’ is really not that important…it’s the end result that really matters. 

Happy month of May… which I declare Mom’s Month.  Whether you are a mom, a mom-to-be, or are in that frustrated zone of mother-in-waiting…treat yourself extra special this month, each and every day.  And most of all, take care of YOU.  Exhale, relax, even if in small increments of time throughout your days.  Remember that you are deserving of everything in your heart.  And it WILL come to you.   

If you are struggling with infertility issues and need some reassurances, join me this week as I address some concerns from my listeners’ email. Sometimes knowing that others have also travelled your same path and have had similar experiences can help you deal with the emotional pain.

Two big concerns for some listeners are the fear of having a home study for adoption and how to get over the pain of infertility, even after some time has passed. I had these same fears and pain and I hope you can find some comfort in my own stories.

To find reputable case workers and adoption experts who can lessen your anxiety, you MUST do research and you MUST get references so you are not scammed. Finding the right people to work with you will take away a lot of the fear that couples often experience during the adoption process.

Mother’s Day is coming up on May 11th and if you have adopted your baby, please don’t forget to honor your child’s birth mother. They have truly given you the greatest gift of all. If you would like to send a unique birth mother cards, please visit Heart Mark Designs.

As always, if you have any questions or would like to be part of our prayer chain, please send an email to barbara@journeystomotherhood.com Please know that I have total faith that your baby is on its way to your arms.

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I am very pleased to be joined by my first male guest this week!

John Van Regenmorter from Stepping Stones Ministry shares his story of infertility and how it affected him and his wife, Sylvia, differently. He describes his confusion at why his wife would feel the need to see an infertility doctor and he talks about how his male ego was bruised when they found out his low sperm count was part of their infertility problem.

It was only after Sylvia wrote an article about infertility that John fully understood just how hurt she was during this ordeal and he describes his guilt about not being more supportive of her.

You will realize while listening to John that infertility is not just a woman’s problem. Nearly 40% of infertility problems involve male infertility. It’s very important for men to get checked as well so the doctors can have a full picture of what obstacles a couple needs to overcome to get pregnant. 

Thank you, John, for sharing the male perspective of infertility!

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Welcome to Show #36!

This week I am pleased to continue my conversation with Jodi Panayotov, the author of Invitro Fertility Goddess and a sister from Australia. I am still amazed at her ability to find humor while longing for a child and we share some very special passages from her book. Each passage touched my heart and I could relate to everything she has described.

Jodi shares her invitro (IVF) experiences, some of which might surprise you. She even managed to overcome her fear of needles and found a way to laugh when faced with taking so many different drugs. No matter what stage you are at in your journey to your child, Jodi can help lighten your mood and your heart!

Also, if you live in the Pittsburgh, PA area and are contemplating adoption, our founding sponsor, Tina Tyra from A Labor of Love Adoptions, is hosting two workshops at the end of March.

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When I was reading Jodi Panayotov’s book, InVitro Fertility Goddess, there were certain excerpts that I completely related to.  Actually, quite a few.  And there were some that made me laugh outloud.  Actually, quite a few.  And I want to share one of those with you here.

“Suffered much indignity on Saturday when I had to take freezer/picnic bag of syringes and injectables on drive to the mountains for my husband’s birthday lunch, then along the way had to find a place to be injected.  Pulled over at an idyllic country lane roadside and my brother and his wife went for a walk while we fiddled with syringes, swabs, etc. like a pair of junkies.  Had to pull my pants down and lie face down on the back seat while my husband crouched outside and injected me in each cheek.  It is instances like these that I cannot remotely connect with having a baby, so at least I’m not obsessing, as I feel more like I am in a strange scientific governmental experiment that is more likely to give information on effects of radioactive solution on the human body or a cure for cancer.  I will be very happily surprised if it results in a baby.” 

Any of you who have gone through invitro, and had tried to maintain some sort of normalcy in a social aspect, can probably relate to a time or two (or more) when you found yourself in awkward situations at ‘injection time’.  And for those of you who are in the midst of a cycle, contemplating how to continue on with normal activities, don’t feel like you’re alone when you have to ’shoot up’ in semi-public places.  It’s part of the crazy adventure of invitro that you might find yourself in.  Just do what you gotta do, and think of all of us other ’sisters’ who did the same thing in the quest for baby!  You just might find yourself in the successful percentage, as did Jodi.